You buy salsa by the gallon.
Your Christmas decorations
include a half a yard of sand and 100 paper bags.
All of your out-of-state
friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
think someone driving while wearing oven mitts is clever.
Most of the restaurants
in your town have the first name "El" or "Los."
You think six tons
of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.
You notice your car
overheating before you drive it.
Your house is made
of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
You can say Hohokam
don't think you're laughing funny.
The prehistoric Hohokam people lived in central and southern Arizona from about AD 1 to 1450. Drought, floods and perhaps internal strife, forced the Hohokam to abandon the Salt River Valley in the fifteenth century. When Spanish explorers arrived in the sixteenth century, they found the Hohokam villages in ruins. However, they also found thriving villages of Akimel O'odham (Pima) natives, who claim to be descendents of the Hohokam.
You no longer associate
bridges or rivers with water.
You see more irrigation
water on the street than there is in the Salt River.
You know a swamp cooler
is not a happy hour drink.
You can say 120 degrees without
Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
You can be in the snow,
and then drive for an hour and it will be more than 100 degrees.
with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
You have to go to a
fake beach for some fake waves.
People break out coats
when the temperature drops below 70.
You discover, in July,
it only takes two fingers to drive your car.
The pool can be warmer
than you are.
You can make sun tea instantly.
will drive over 100 miles just to see snow.
You run your air conditioner
in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
Most people will not
drink tap water unless they are under dire conditions.
People with black cars
or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from
out-of-state or nuts.
You notice the best parking place
is determined by shade instead of distance.
You realize Valley
Fever isn't a disco dance.
You can finish a Big Gulp in 10
minutes and go back for seconds.
The water from the
cold water tap is the same temperature as the hot one.
You can (correctly)
pronounce the words: "Saguaro
," "Tempe," "Gila Bend," "San Xavier," "Canyon de Chelly,"
"Mogollon Rim," "Cholla," and "Ajo."
An arborescent cactus (Carnegiea gigantea) of desert regions of the southwestern U.S. and Mexico that has a tall columnar simple or sparsely branched trunk of up to 60 feet (18 meters) and bears white flowers and edible fruit.
It's noon in July,
kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets.
actually burn your hand opening the car door.
Sunscreen is sold year
round, kept at the front of the checkout counter, a formula less than 30
SPF is a joke, and you wear it just to go to the Circle K.
Some fool can market
mini-misters for joggers and other fools will actually buy them.
balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.
one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
You eat hot chilis
to cool your mouth off.
You learn that a seat belt makes
a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops
below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
You discover that you
can get a sunburn through your car window.
You break a sweat the
instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
Your biggest bicycle
wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement
and cook to death?"
You realize that asphalt has a